What do I want?

Adulthood. The time in a person’s life when they are supposed to get a decent paying job, settle down with a significant other and produce some new inhabitants for earth. The normal path. Normal. I don’t want to be just normal. What do I want? Are there even words that can be put together to describe the desire, the yearning I have deep within me for something more? What do I want?

I want to be a wildfire – out of control and unstoppable. A force of nature no man can extinguish. A storm child made of wild and flame, burning anything and everyone standing in my path attempting to stop me. I want to be untamable. An instrument of the universe – powerful beyond measure. I want to shine so bright volcanoes and stars are put to shame. I want to do things that set my soul on fire.

I want to be wild and free, spontaneous and unpredictable - difficult to find and impossible to forget. I want to be fearless in my pursuits, free of the opinions of others who wish to contain me. I want to hear the shattering of glass as I refuse to be limited by society and their expectations of me. I want my ambitions and desires to cause amazement, not intimidation. I want to be raw and unfiltered, careless and worry free.

I want to be a wanderess, a drop of free water - a girl with dirty feet, messy hair and sparkling eyes. I want to get lost among the wilderness, spending my days among the trees. I want to belong to no man and to no city, instead seeing the sun, feeling the wind and drinking the rain. I want to be constantly moving, running until my legs give out and my lungs explode. I want to take the treacherous path, not knowing what I will find on the other side.

I want you to help me see everything beautiful in this world. I want you to tear down all of my walls until I am completely raw and exposed. I want all of my darkest secrets exposed, all the skeletons in my closet set free. I want you to look into my eyes with such intensity I can feel your gaze penetrate my soul. I want you to hold me so tight the impressions of your fingers become permanently etched in my skin. I want you to take away the pain that has slowly been eating away at me, holding me when the darkness comes and I forget how to breathe. I want you to search for me when I am lost within myself. I want to rip my heart out of my chest and give it to you, give everything to you. I want you to take my hand and run off with me into the sunset, promising to never let go.

I want to be indefinable.